Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in lolitajade's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, April 17th, 2007
9:42 pm	I hate you, you bitch. You are truly a disgusting person. You save your worst behavior for me and I hope some day everyone else sees it. You are even uglier on the inside than on the outside, like a dented apple full of worms. Current Mood: angry (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 13th, 2007
4:29 pm	This day is going by too slowly. I hate my job so much now. Current Mood: angry (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 7th, 2007
10:05 pm	Observations on me: I'm bad at expressing my emotions. I keep them to myself. I will tell you my life story without any hesitation, but I have trouble telling you how things make me feel. Then when I feel ready to tell you how I feel, everything comes gushing out and it may be too much to handle.I am starting to have feelings for someone new in my life. I am going to guard my feelings for now. When the time is right, I will express myself and what's in my heart, but be careful not to let anything just fall out of my mouth. Note my current song. If you don't get the significance, google the lyrics. Wow, I feel really good now. Writing everything out is so therapeutic. If you were wondering what the "I'm fucked" post was about, some shit went down at work. I'm gonna tough it out until the one yr point, but no more than that. There's too much sorority house-type drama and it doesn't make for a pleasant work environment. I enjoy the work I'm doing and some of the people are terrific, but some of my colleagues really suck. I've become closer to some of my co-workers who I do like which is awesome and I saw some of my college friends a couple wks ago which was really great. Also, I'm seeing someone who I like a lot. In conclusion, my personal life's going great, I love my apt and work is...well, a paycheck and something to do and a place where I get to see some people whose company I enjoy. Overall, life is going pretty well. I'm home for the holiday wkend w/ my folks and Muffie which has been really nice. I hope you are doing well, too!!! (Comment on this)
12:40 am	A lot has changed! I am falling hard with no safety net. Please don't disappoint me. Current Mood: hopeful (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 21st, 2007
4:04 pm	fucked This can't be good. Current Mood: pissed off (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 18th, 2007
8:19 pm	Oh life.... I figured I should try to update this thing while I have a chance. I'm doing OK, just OK. I've been lonely. It's hard meeting new people and I miss my friends from Lehigh sooooooo much. Work has been going really well, which makes me very happy, and my new apt kicks ass, but I'm still lonely. I went out with this creep from my HS a few times, but I'm not pursuing that any further. I've been hanging out with some of my student workers (hey, we're all about the same age) and they're really cool people. They're a lot like the people I hung out with at Lehigh, which is great. Some of the people I work with (as in full-timers) are a lot of fun also, so that's nice. It's just hard moving away and trying to start over again. I'm so happy I've been able to stay close w/ everyone from before and things have been going OK. I'm going to try and put myself out there more, like not be afraid to show up to things alone, even though everyone knows I hate doing that. And I'm gonna try to be a little less submissive with the guys. That could be fun. Current Mood: thoughtful (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 7th, 2007
12:13 am	I'm changing and growing and shedding my skin. "Nobody's business if I walk, talk, make love, sing but I'm able to love Able to live Able to love." I didn't even realize I had this song on my computer until a few weeks ago, but it encapsulates how I want to live my life. I will do what's right for me regardless of what certain people or certain groups or even society expects. I need to work on being the best Caroline I can be, focusing on keeping what's great about me and fixing things that can be improved by following the good examples I see around me. I'm doing the best that I can and that's all I can do. Current Mood: thoughtful (Comment on this)
Monday, March 5th, 2007
1:40 am	A much overdue update: Wow, I haven't touched this thing in ages!  I'm currently living in NYC.  I was living at a Y for a little while and just moved into this incredible studio apartment right near work last week.  I've been having a great time meeting and getting to know new people (including some gentlemen...hehehe), exploring all the fun things the city has to offer and just enjoying life.  For whatever reason, the last couple of months at work were AMAZING and I didn't wind up leaving after all.  I don't know why things got so bad at that one point, but I'm glad to have that behind me.  I'll try to be better about updating this thing, but just know that life has been pretty great as of late.  Current Mood: hopeful (Comment on this)
Monday, January 8th, 2007
4:20 pm	I had a revelation. Apparently... I am the final frontier. I'm taking time out for reflecting I'm going one on one with who I'd like to be I'm leaning towards the sun Watching flowers blossom all around me I tried wailin' to a wall Standin' like porcelain, mumblin', Salt water rollin' down side burns, Searchin' for the answers, handling the truth Seein' it for myself is the only way Forget a winner, stop being a sinner first Ruining your liver, smoking cigarettes and worse Love is a killer, the leading cause of suicide How to survive a day in the life of times I'll rock the vote not to hear you Tell me that I'm watching too much T.V. Then I'll hope that I can win with the lazy bones I'm livin' in It's not my fault I wasn't chosen I was focused in the open I deserve so much better than this I'm shooting airballs from the free-throw line I'm batting lefty when I know that I'm alright I'm reaching out for the sun Being passed by shooting stars overnight I been livin' with a small inner child Antsy, I can't sit still for a minute My shortage of concentration ruins meditation And my motivation ain't shit I need a way My tolerance ain't what it used to be Dollars make sense sellin' out for a fee If I didn't have faith, could you still save me? How to survive the lines we hate to lead I'll rock the vote not to hear you Tell me that I'm watching too much T.V. Then I'll hope that I can win with the lazy bones I'm livin' in It's not my fault I wasn't chosen I was focused in the open I deserve so much better than this Fuck the future I'm in the present plague Can't be a loser, my girl won't stay I don't know computers, I was sick that day How to survive the mines we chose to lay Current Mood: indescribable (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 28th, 2006
10:00 pm	The Year in Review of a Review of the Year Here's the first few lines of the first entry of each month in 2006. I can't believe how much life has changed over the course of the year! JANUARY: 'Haven't been good about posting lately, but break has been going pretty well. I've been hearing from lots of people from school, things are going quite well with the family, Hanukkah was nice (just ended, lol), Christmas at the Christie's house was great, have been getting lots of job stuff done, the internship has been fine and got my dad off my back about calling Daryl's fuck buddy…. FEBRUARY: I will give you guys a MEGA-update after I'm done sorting through the latest drama. Wait until you see my revenge. ::cackles:: I'm going to show you everything. This could EASILY be some of the worst drama of my college career. This is bad. I'm getting even. MARCH: That's the beginning of the song I'm listening to now. I'm home until Wed, then Philly! I'm visiting Tara for a few days. 'Can't wait! I have a bad cold, but I should be better soon. APRIL: things to do by the time I go to bed tomorrow night: -work on that IR rewrite! -do a daily essay for tomorrow for IR -apply for that job w/ "The New York Times" -email Julie RE: upcoming PR career fair MAY: I'm in a good mood. I love the French language! I love House! I love my friends! I love today! JUNE: I was just on the phone w/ Solange for over an hr. Tara called me before then. I feel loved, hehehe! JULY: Modjo said it best: "Music brings you back where you belong." AUGUST: I just got in a little while ago from another busy day in NYC. I have a job interview in the city tomorrow that I found on my own and one that found me on monster.com. Both involve fashion, which is something I'm VERY interested in and always have been. I dropped off an application for a position at FIT this morning as well. I'm also really into the higher ed jobs. HOPEFULLY, I'll be employed sooooooooon.... SEPTEMBER: I love my job. I love my family and friends and White Monkey. Life is going quite well. I appreciate everyone's support. OCTOBER: I think that when you love someone, it means that you know all of their imperfections...and it makes you love them more. NOVEMBER: I'm spending the entire day in sweats. I got a lot of errands done this wkend including finally going to a chiropractor. It didn't hurt nearly as much as I expected and my back's doing a lot better than before. I need to stop mangling it!!! Or at least be ready to see the chiropractor every month or so. My benefits package from work rules. DECEMBER: Why do people find the idea of me often being attracted to older guys so controversial? This includes people who would live w/ someone they're not married to, date outside of their race or socioeconomic class or are gay/gay-friendly. I have nothing against those people at all. Why would they find my taste so controversial? I've been with guys my own age before, but I generally tend to prefer guys that are older. I don't think there should be anything wrong with that. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Current Mood: impressed (Comment on this)
8:57 pm	Things to Do: 1. Keep packing! 2. Incredible job interview tomorrow (got the call today!) 3. Ignore stupid people. 4. Listen to WPRB tonight! : D Current Mood: busy (Comment on this)
12:27 am	Not much to say... other than the fact that everyone's just too fucking special for me. I'm so sick of walking on eggshells for people and having to be so sensitive and crap when they're the ones who screwed up, not me. As if it's so easy being me all the time. ::sighs:: Yeah, drama earlier. Ugh. I also didn't get the job at Macy's. A sick day wasted on that one. If I were to be a buyer for a dept store, I'd rather work with clothing and stuff like that rather than home stuff (plates, etc.) I'm still disappointed though. I have been hearing from a lot of other things I applied to, which is great. Hopefully, in the next month or so, I'll have a new job. I was also happy b/c I went to the library today and found a really good book I read a while ago and had wanted to read again. I'm looking fwd to re-reading it PLUS there's a sequel I didn't know about! I got some videos there too. Nothing planned for tomorrow. I really should start packing, considering I'm supposed to be MOVING in a couple days! I guess that'll keep me busy. Current Mood: exhausted (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 26th, 2006
11:48 pm	I'm content. I spent today in the city w/ Kathleen and had a great time! It was so nice to see her. We did lunch in Chelsea and milled through a bunch of sales. She hasn't changed a bit and it made me happy. Hanukkah/Xmas was fun. I got generous gifts, including $$$, this GORGEOUS underwear set from VS that I love and the new Ministry of Sound CD which is really good. My gifts went over well, but then again, I just got everyone what they asked for. My dad emailed me the link on Amazon for the DVD set he wanted. No note or anything. So subtle, lol. I went to two Xmas parties (other than the 2 at work)--one on Xmas Eve and one Xmas Day. The one Xmas Eve sucked...BLAH! The one on Xmas Day was the one I go to every yr at my dad's bff house (not Daryl, the other one). I had a really nice time as always and I behaved (For those who don't know, a hot son-in-law has expressed interest in me before--SON-IN-LAW!!!! Married to dad's bff's daughter! I'm not going near him w/ a 10 ft pole, don't worry.). The vibe of the party was just really good this year and I know I'm looking fwd to next yr's bash! I am SO tired. I have to make some phonecalls tomorrow RE: job-ly things. ::yawns:: I discovered something online that only proved that maybe people could learn something from me. Perhaps? Current Mood: content (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 21st, 2006
8:41 pm	All's well that ends well My day ended fine, even though I was annoyed earlier. Today wasn't too bad, but as some of you know I've been kinda disenchanted with things at work. Today was the best it had been in a couple wks which was nice. I get the wk b/w Xmas and New Year's off and I get paid for it, too! Free money!!! haha BTW, I lost a bunch of weight since I graduated rather randomly. However, my boobs remained the same size. I must have done something very good to deserve that! I got a voicemail from Kriffy today while I was at work. I miss him so much. Current Mood: cheerful (Comment on this)
2:56 pm	Somebody, please understand! Why do people find the idea of me often being attracted to older guys so controversial? This includes people who would live w/ someone they're not married to, date outside of their race or socioeconomic class or are gay/gay-friendly. I have nothing against those people at all. Why would they find my taste so controversial? I've been with guys my own age before, but I generally tend to prefer guys that are older. I don't think there should be anything wrong with that. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Current Mood: bitchy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 27th, 2006
2:47 pm	::yawns:: I only got an hr and a half of sleep last night. I finally fell asleep around 4am and had this weird sex dream. I enjoyed it but it definitely didn't help the fact that I am INSANELY horny. The worst part was that it was less of a dream than a flashback. Grrrrrrrr...mmmmmmm...need Lloyd's dial back!!!!! So right now I am very horny and quite exhausted. I'm at work now and things are so crazy. This idiot from a frame shop we're using for something keeps saying different things RE: prices, measurements, etc. everytime I call. WTF??? I have way too much stuff to do. I'm so overwhelmed. I'm so tired that everything seems kind of fuzzy and weird. I'm gonna try to get out of here as early as I can and maybe catch an earlier train home than usual. I am soooooooooooooo sleepy. I met a cute Maltese today after lunch. Her name was Zuzu. I miss my Muffie. She got so pissed at my dad yesterday. My dad was leaving the house to bring Lillie to the train station to go back to school. They left out of a different door than usual so Muffie wouldn't try to pack herself up and come along. They didn't fool her! She saw what they did and looked at the door in disbelief. I went upstairs after saying good-bye. THEN, I heard this growling coming from downstairs. Muffie was SO angry that they fooled her. hahahaha It was really funny, but I felt bad for her. My dad and Muffie made up which was good. Need Lloyd's dial!!! Current Mood: horny (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 25th, 2006
10:38 pm	How about a wk in review post? OK...a lot has gone on in the last wk and I figured I should post something substantial for the first time in what seems like a while. Last wkend I went to Philly for Tara's b-day celebration. Sooooooo much fun! It was great to see Tara and catch up on everything. We did a lot of shopping, saw "Borat," ate out every meal and went to some cool bars in Philly, including Sammy's fave, The Continental. Needless to say, I had a great time!!! I worked Mon and Tues. I've been SO busy ever since they fired Dan, especially with cleaning up some of the messes he made, but hopefully it'll pay off. I still enjoy my job and I'm looking forward to moving in just ONE MONTH!!! I had Wed, Thurs and Fri off. Paid vacation time rules. Wed, I relaxed and hung out with Lillie...watched lots of movies (yes, I'm still abusing the library's selection of movies), joked around, played with Muffie, etc. Thurs was Thanksgiving and, as planned, it was just the four of us. It was a very nice Thanksgiving and one of the best I can remember. I was up early making food and I was happy to cook again. It had been a while since I cooked for people! Yesterday, I didn't do much, but I was kinda stressed out for no apparent reason. Well, I guess it was the usual nonsense, but I'm better now. Today, I went shoe shopping with Muffie and my dad. It was a fruitful trip. I got a pair of boots that not only will be great in the snow, but are high and sexy. I also got a pair of going-out shoes which are adorable. 'Got some mega discounts on both which was nice. I didn't go to the mall at all for the big "Black Friday" sales b/c I have passes for the Friends & Family discount wk at Macy's for next wk. This saleswoman at Tara's mall loved us and gave them to us. They're good on everything in the store except make-up (which I'm OK on for now) and the stores should have new merchandise for the holidays by then. Get jealous! hahahaha I could definitely use a few more pairs of pants for work.... Tomorrow, Lillie heads back to school and I think I might go out to coffee w/ my mums. Mmmmm...coffeeeeeee.... Well, I'm off for now...gotta go make some phone callsssssssssssssss.... ; ) Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
9:49 pm	not a bit surprising You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be. How Boyish or Girlish Are You? (Comment on this)
9:17 pm	These lyrics speak to me. Flawless, Absolutely flawless 'Cause you're beautiful (Like no other) 'Cause you're beautiful (maybe tonight, they'll see you tonight) Beautiful .... beautiful And it's no good waiting by the window It's no good waiting for the sun Please believe me, the things you dream of They don't fall in the laps of no-one And it's no good . . . Waiting, waiting And it's no good . . . Waiting You've got to go to the city Always the same Always the same dreams yeah yeah Always the same (yes you're movin' up) Well you've got to think of something 'Cause your job pays you nothing But you've got the things God gave you So the music may yet be your saviour Got to be a way, some way Got to be some way to make your way to the light (All the girls say) Got to be some way, today, today, maybe tonight, maybe tonight And it's always the same . . . Always the same dreams yeah yeah Always the same (yes you're movin' up) You're beautiful, you are, and you know it You're wasted here, you're a star In this small town of hand-me-downs who don't even know it Sometimes it brings you down Sometimes it eats you up Sometimes you think that your head's going to blow It doesn't get better . . . Don't you know, you've got to go to the city You've got to reach the other side of the glass I think you'll make it in the city baby I think you know that you are more than just Some fucked up piece of ass Got to be a way, some way Got to be some way to make your way to the light (All the boys say) Got to be some way, today, today, maybe tonight, They'll see you tonight And it's always the same A lways the same Always the same dreams yeah yeah Always the same (yes you're movin' up) Cause you're beautiful (like no other) Cause you're beautiful (take me, make me) Cause you're beautiful (maybe tonight, they'll see you tonight) Beautiful .... beautiful And it's no good waiting by the window It's no good waiting for the sun Please believe me, the things you dream of They don't fall in the laps of no-one And it's no good . . . Waiting, waiting And it's no good . . . Waiting You've got to go to the city You've got to go to the city, They're going to find you there 'Cause you're beautiful 'Cause you're beautiful Sometimes it brings you down Sometimes it eats you up Sometimes you think that your head's going to blow and It doesn't get better . . . Don't you know, you've got to go to the city You've got to reach the other side of the glass I think you'll make it in the city baby I think you know that you are more than just Some fucked up piece of ass More than just ... Sid you've got to think of something 'Cause your job pays you nothing But you've got the things God gave you So the music may yet be your saviour Do you want a saviour, saviour Say that you do, You know you're wasted here, wasted here And there ain't no miracles happening any time soon ... Current Mood: impressed (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 16th, 2006
10:11 am	Wow, these quizzes are good. The Keys to Your Heart You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is traditional. Without saying anything, both of you communicate with your hearts. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. What Are The Keys To Your Heart? Current Mood: anxious (Comment on this)